


que seamos solo tú y yo

by kirani



Series: Matt [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkwardness, Broken Bones, Car Accidents, Caretaking, Crushes, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Whiskey and his lax bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 19:54:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18079892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirani/pseuds/kirani
Summary: Connor Whisk liked hanging out with the lax guys. They were chill in ways the hockey team seemed incapable and if he didn’t get along with one of them who cared? Not his team. He could just havefriends. His sophomore year, there was a tiny complication. His name was Matt Johansen. Connor had known Matt for a while, but when he came back for sophomore year, Matt had gotten The Samwell Chop and his gaze seemed tolingerin a way it hadn’t freshman year. Just as he was starting to test the waters though, a car crash forces them together, and not in the way Connor wanted.~~~Title is from the song Nuestro Planeta (Our Planet) by Kali Uchis and translates to “let it be only you and me”((Alternate title: gay people be like,hands))





	que seamos solo tú y yo

**Author's Note:**

> So this came about because I had a really bad depression day and decided to write angst! But then it kinda faded and also I can’t really make these two suffer, so it has a very fluffy ending.  
> There’s a bit of Spanish, translations in the end note. Nothing much, I promise. I wrote it all using that one year of Spanish I took in 2003 so hopefully it won’t throw you off.  
> And of course, five million thanks to Alexei and Sav for their help with brainstorming and beta-ing!

Connor got it, he did. Teams needed rivalries. His team’s rival was the lax team. 

But the lax guys were cool.

Chad L and Chad R were in his freshman seminar and they had invited him to a hangout and after that, well, they were friends. 

His sophomore year, there was a tiny complication. His name was Matt Johansen.

Connor had known Matt for a while, but when he came back for sophomore year, Matt had gotten The Samwell Chop and his gaze seemed to  _ linger _ in a way it hadn’t freshman year. 

He thought there might be a chance for something, someday, if he ever figured out how to come out to his friends. Maybe. 

He had been hanging out with him more and he thought he had a chance if only he could talk to him.

Maybe Matt would ask him out first? If he just… let him know he’s interested. 

So Connor began a campaign of hint dropping. He hung back in groups to ask Matt about an exam he was stressed about. His hand lingered on his shoulder when he greeted him. He looked him straight in the eye when he wished him a good night. 

But it wasn’t working and it was nearly Thanksgiving break.

He and Matt were walking down the sidewalk talking about nothing and Connor was thinking a little too much about if he could get away with just taking Matt’s hand and getting it over with. 

And then suddenly everything was the sound of screaming brakes and a blaring horn.

Later, Connor will think about it and wonder how he acted so fast. He will decide it’s instinct. He will thank that instinct profusely. 

He grabbed Matt’s arm and swung him around, himself as the pivot point, throwing Matt into the grass and safely away from the car in the middle of jumping the curb on a slick of black ice.

Connor tried to follow him into the safety of the grass but the momentum of the car and his own body were working against him, and then his world was pain. 

He must have blacked out for a moment because he opened his eyes to Matt’s worried face above him, holding his head between his thighs, knees lightly touching Connor’s shoulders. 

“Oh thank God,” Matt cried. “Don’t move, you may have a neck injury.”

Connor took stock of his body. 

His left leg was throbbing and didn’t seem to be facing the correct direction. His head ached. He felt scratched and bruised all over. But above him, Matt was staring into his eyes and everything else faded away.

“That’s good, really good, keep watching me. The ambulance will be here soon. You just stay awake and watch me, okay?”

“Okay,” Connor croaked. 

“What were you thinking, Conor? Why would you do that?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“That’s all that matters. And I always worry about you,” Connor tried to smile, though it probably came across as more of a grimace.

“God, Connor, that was so stupid. You could have died!”

“But you would have been okay,” Connor said, his eyes drooping again. 

“No! Connor!” Matt shouted above him. “You have to stay awake! Don’t fall asleep! Connor! I lo--”

And then it was blackness again.

 

»»————««

 

“--ve you! You can’t leave me!” Matt cried as Connor passed out again. 

He held his lower body perfectly still as his shoulders shook with silent tears. This could not be happening. 

What was Connor thinking, putting himself in danger like that? What if he died?  _ Where was this ambulance?! _

The sound of sirens finally cut through the fog in his mind and EMTs began to pile out and take charge. One of them put Connor in a neck brace while one stabilized his leg which seemed to be broken, then they hauled him onto a stretcher and loaded him in. 

“Are you coming?” One of them asked. 

“Can I?” Matt gasped, already climbing in beside him. 

The EMT pulled the door shut and they were off in a cacophony of sound. 

As he wasn’t family, he was stuck in the waiting room, though he did get the update that they had taken him to surgery for a broken femur. Chad L came to sit with him, as did a couple of Connor’s hockey teammates. It was the quietest he’d ever heard them. 

Finally,  _ finally _ , a nurse came out and told them the surgery was successful. Connor had apparently woken up and said a few garbled sentences that included the word “Matt” a few times but the nurse didn’t understand what he was trying to say. 

Matt breathed a sigh of relief. Connor was  _ alive _ . 

The nurse told them he was sleeping again now but they could come say hello. All of the assembled athletes agreed that he should go back first. 

Entering the room was surreal. Connor looked so small in the hospital cot, his leg in a large cast and his cheek bruised. 

Matt collapsed into the chair beside him and reached for the limp hand on the mattress. 

“Shit, Connor,” Matt whispered. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” 

He stared at his sleeping friend for a few minutes, then let everyone else come in to say hello. 

After the other guys had come in and left chocolates and balloons and wished him well, even if he couldn’t hear them, they filed out. 

“You coming, Jo?” Chad asked as he left. 

“I’m gonna stay with him, wait for him to wake up.”

Chad raised his eyebrow but shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Matt sat back down in the chair and gazed at his friend’s bruised but peacefully sleeping face.

“I meant it,” he whispered. “I really did. So I need you to wake up and talk to me again. Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He took Connor’s limp hand again and waited. He would wait forever.

Only five minutes later, Connor’s eyelids fluttered and his dark eyes cracked open. 

Matt stood, the better to look at his face, and watched him return to consciousness. 

“Hi,” Matt smiled. 

“Matt?”

Matt huffed another short sigh of relief. 

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “You’re in the hospital. You just had surgery.”

“Oh,” Connor blinked up at him.

“They think you’re gonna be okay, though. It went well.”

“Okay,” Connor replied, staring at Matt, his brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Should I call the nurse? Do you need anything?”

“Are you okay?” Connor asked instead of answering.

“Me? Fuck, yeah, I’m fine. It’s you we’re all worried about.”

“All?” Connor’s brow furrowed.

“Chad L and a couple of guys from your team came by already, Tangredi and Hopper. And we’ve told all the group chats. More people will be by later to see you.”

“Oh,” Connor said again. He looked sad for some reason. “I think I want to sleep more.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Matt smiled. 

“Thanks, Matt,” Connor whispered as his eyes slipped closed again. 

Only after Connor had fallen asleep did Matt realize he was still holding his hand. 

Well, it couldn’t hurt now, he was asleep. If Matt wanted to keep holding Connor’s hand, feeling the steady reassurance of his pulse, who was going to stop him?

 

»»————««

 

When Connor woke again, it was dark in the room. 

He had a vague memory of various friends coming in and out as he slept fitfully, but now the room was quiet. 

As he woke more, he remembered Bitty coming in and fussing over him and Matt shooing him away, citing a need for rest and insisting he had everything handled. There had been some fierce whispers by the door as Connor had slipped back to sleep. Connor hoped Bitty hadn’t been too rough on Matt. The guy meant well but he didn’t always understand when he wasn’t needed.

Then he noticed he wasn’t alone. Slumped in the chair next to him was Matt, fast asleep. 

“Matt?” he whispered, his voice hoarse from disuse.

He stirred and then bolted upright when he realized Connor was awake, coming to stand by his bedside.

“Hey there,” he smiled. Connor thanked whatever power existed that got him through this alive so he could see that smile. 

“Hi,” he croaked. 

“Oh! Let me get you some water.”

Matt held a cup of water with a straw to his lips and Connor drank carefully. 

“Thanks.”

Matt just smiled. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I got run over,” Connor joked.

Matt frowned down at him. 

“It’s alright,” he added, trying to calm him. “They’ve got me on the good stuff.”

Matt’s eyes glistened and Connor tried not to think about him crying over him on the sidewalk. 

_ It was just the adrenaline, _ he told himself.  _ It was just fear. Stop overthinking it. _

“You scared me so much,” Matt whispered into the darkness between them. 

Connor tried to smile but it felt too small and tight on his bruised face. “I’m alright. Promise.”

Matt stared down at him for another moment before he spoke again. “I should call the nurse. They’ll want to check up on you now that you’re awake.”

“Okay,” Connor agreed, then swallowed hard. “Just, don’t leave?”

Matt’s eyes widened a bit but he nodded and Connor watched as Matt wiped unshed tears from his eyes and walked to the hallway door. 

Soon the room lights were on and the nurse was poking and prodding him. But Matt still stood in the corner of the room and watched, so it was alright. 

After he had been thoroughly checked out, he and Matt were left alone again.

Matt sat back in the bedside chair and reached out a moment before he seemed to think better of it and dropped his hand back in his lap. 

“How are you doing?”

Connor shrugged. 

“Do you,” Matt shifted in his chair. “What do you remember?”

“You called 911.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“You held me while we waited.”

“Had to make sure you didn’t move your neck,” Matt confirmed. 

Connor searched his face. He thought he had heard something else in the tears. Not about his neck but about  _ him _ . 

But Matt wasn’t giving anything away. It was probably just the moment. He had been scared for his friend who was in the middle of passing out from pain of a broken leg. 

He was here now because they were friends and he was worried, not for any hallucinations Connor may have had through the pain. 

He decided not to say anything. 

“I think that’s it,” he finished lamely. 

Matt nodded. “Okay.”

They both stared at each other for a long moment before Matt spoke again in a halting manner. 

“The EMTs put you in a neck brace. And a leg splint. And strapped you to a stretcher. The driver left all his info with another student. She said she knew you. I went in the ambulance with you.”

“Thank you,” Connor interrupted. “Really.”

Matt shrugged. “I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

“I’m glad I didn’t.”

Matt smiled at him and continued on, a little smoother this time. 

“When we got here, I had to stay in the waiting room but they said they were taking you to surgery for your leg. So I started calling people. Your parents are on a plane by now. Your team brought most of the balloons. My team brought chocolates. I… sat here.”

Connor gave in. He reached out his hand. 

Matt snatched at it as though he would lose the chance if he didn’t act fast. 

“I was so scared,” Matt whispered. 

“Me, too,” Connor whispered back. 

 

»»————««

 

Matt stared at Connor and wondered how much to say. 

They seemed to be on the same page, but Connor didn’t remember what he had said to him. And he doesn’t remember Matt’s confession. 

Should he say it again? They were literally holding hands right now. That seemed like a good sign. 

But Connor is hurt. And what if it was just the pain and shock? He needs him as a friend right now, not as someone he has to turn down. 

No, he’ll just help him recover and then maybe when he’s better they can talk about this… thing. Whatever it is between them. 

“You can go home if you want,” Connor said, breaking eye contact. 

“No way,” Matt said. “You need me.”

“I think the nurses have it covered. Really, go home and get some sleep. Maybe come back tomorrow?” His eyes flicked up to meet Matt’s briefly before darting back to their joined hands. 

Matt stood and Connor dropped his hand. The look of shock and loss on his face was enough for Matt to decide. 

“I’m going to see if they have a cot.”

“Matt—“

“Nope, not listening. You parents won’t be here for hours. I’m not leaving.”

Connor searched his face and Matt hoped he saw what he was looking for. 

Finally, he nodded. “Okay.”

The front desk didn’t have any cots left but they did agree to let him to stay with Connor since his family hadn’t made it all the way to Massachusetts yet. 

“Just this one night,” the nurse warned. 

“Scout’s honor,” Matt promised. 

She gave him a spare blanket and he crept back into Connor’s room. As he’d thought, Connor had fallen asleep as soon as Matt had left. 

Matt curled up in the chair and pulled the blanket over him. He was much too tall for this, but he really didn’t care right now, so long as Connor didn’t wake up alone. 

When Matt woke again, it was to the sound of hushed Spanish. Connor’s parents had arrived and were hovered over their son on the bed speaking in worried tones and glancing frequently at each other. 

He didn’t understand what they were saying, he spoke a bit of French but nothing useful, but he still felt like he was eavesdropping. So he cleared his throat. 

All three Whisk family members turned to look at him and he felt his cheeks heat. 

“Mama, Papa, this is Matt.”

“Please to meet you,” Matt answered politely. 

Connor’s mom looked back down at her son and Matt thought her eyebrow had cocked up just a little bit. 

“He didn't want me to be alone,” Connor mumbled. 

She smiled at him, then, and left the bedside, walking purposefully to Matt. She took his face in her hands and he stood, feeling odd in the chair. 

“You’re tall aren’t you?” She smiled at him. “Are you the same Matt that called 911 for my boy?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Matt nodded. 

Connor’s mom pulled his face down to her level and kissed his forehead. “Thank you for taking care of him.”

“Of course. He’s my best friend.”

She looked back at Connor, who seemed to get smaller in the bed behind her under his mother’s gaze. 

“I’m glad to hear it.”

She released his cheeks and he stood back to his full height, looking over her head at Connor. What had Connor said to his parents that made his mom look at him like that?

“I’m gonna go find some breakfast, I’ll leave you all be,” Matt replied, folding his blanket over the back of the chair he had slept in and slipping his shoes on. “I’ll see you in a bit, Connor.”

Matt waved and Connor waved back and then he fled the room. 

 

»»————««

 

When the doctor returned, she walked Connor and his parents through recovery procedures. Several weeks in the immobile cast, then another eight to ten weeks in a bending brace. Then physical therapy. 

It was gonna be a long time before he was back on the ice. 

He was staring blankly at the cast holding his leg when Matt came back. 

“He’ll need someone to help him get around while he’s in the immobile cast,” Dr. Song was explaining. “Do you have someone you live with?”

Connor shook his head at his leg. 

“I’ll stay with you, mijo,” his mother said, and Connor finally looked up.

“Mama, no,” he protested. “You can’t take all that time off work.”

She drew herself up. “I think I’ll be the judge of what I can and cannot do. My son needs me, I will be here.”

“I can do it,” Matt announced. Everyone turned to look at him. 

He stood near the door as though he couldn't decide if he was coming or going and clutched a styrofoam coffee cup.

“Matt, you don’t --” 

“Really, I can,” Matt instisted. “I’m already here, I can help Connor get around campus and around his dorm and stuff.”

“You’ll be able to help bathe him? He won’t be able to shower regularly for a while,” his Mama asked.

Matt just shrugged. “We’re athletes. What’s a little nudity between friends?”

Everyone continued staring at him and Matt shrugged again, his cheeks pinking up just a little. “It’s really not a problem, Mrs. Whisk.”

“Connor?” She turned to him. “Is that okay with you?”

Connor nodded and gave Matt a small smile. He’d find the words to thank him later. 

“Alright, then I suppose I should be talking to you,” Dr. Song addressed Matt. 

The rest of the morning was tortuous. Nurses showed Matt how to help Connor take care of himself and they were finally released with a stack of papers, a bag of medications, and completely exhausted. 

His parents had rented a car so they drove both boys to Connor’s dorm. His mama and Matt had to sit in the backseat so Connor could stretch his leg in the passenger seat. 

Connor closed his eyes and let the soft Spanish of his mother’s directions waft over him.

When they parked, finally, Matt maneuvered him out of the car. His parents opened doors and carried his bag behind them as they made their slow way to his room, Connor awkward on his crutches and Matt never far away.

Finally settled into his bed and completely wiped, his mama kissed his forehead and said they’d already booked a hotel room for the night and to call if he needed absolutely anything at all. 

“Te amo, mijo,” she murmured as she straightened his comforter. 

“Yo tambien, Mama.”

She turned and beckoned Matt to her. Connor felt his own cheeks blush along with Matt’s. 

“You can call me too,” she told him. “Anything at all.”

“Okay, Mrs. Whisk.” 

She took his cheeks and pulled him down for a forehead kiss as well beneath his strawberry blond hair. 

“You take good care of my boy but don’t forget to take care of yourself, too, sí?”

“Yes ma’am,” Matt nodded. 

She gave Connor another kiss and his father squeezed his shoulder and then Matt closed the door behind them. 

He turned back to Connor. 

“How are you doing?”

“I’m so tired,” Connor huffed a laugh. 

“I can imagine.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before Matt spoke again. 

“I’m gonna run to my dorm and grab some stuff, you wanna take a nap?”

“You don’t have to stay here,” Connor began, but Matt cut him off. 

“You’re not getting rid of me for a couple days at least.”

Connor swallowed. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Matt cleared his throat. “I’ll be back. Soon.”

“Okay.”

Connor watched him leave with a small wave then let his eyes slip closed. 

He was asleep in an instant.

 

»»————««

 

Matt paused outside Connor’s room, leaning against the door frame and composing himself. 

He was still so scared. Maybe more scared. Connor was trusting him to take care of him while he was injured. He couldn’t fuck this up. 

He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes before setting off for his dorm. 

He told his roommate what had happened as he packed up his school things and a few days of clean clothes along with his nightly meds. 

He answered some questions in the lax group chat then lifted his bags and headed back to Connor’s. 

Matt keyed in and slipped in as quietly as possible. Connor was snoring softly on his back, the exact same place he had left him. 

As quietly as possible, he turned on the desk light and got out his laptop. He had planned to get this assignment done last night but now was better than never. He worked in silence for a while, checking frequently to make sure Connor was still asleep. He could take more meds at 5:00, should he wake him? He’d figure it out. 

By 5:30, the assignment was done and Matt turned to find Connor awake and watching him from the bed. 

“Oh,” he breathed. “Are you alright?”

“I have to pee,” Connor said, cheeks flushed. 

“Oh, yeah, sure, let’s go. We’ve got this.”

Getting Connor out of the bed and onto his crutches was awkward but they managed it. When they had hobbled into the bathroom though, there was a new problem. 

“It might be better to use the stall,” Matt suggested. 

“Yeah, okay,” Connor agreed. 

They made their way to the stall and Connor turned haltingly on his crutches. He tried to pull his shorts down with one hand while the other clutched a crutch but Matt stopped him with a hand on his elbow. 

“I got it.”

“I can do it, you don’t have to.”

“I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it but for now, let me help?”

Connor sighed but acquiesced. 

Shorts around his thigh and cast, Matt lowered him to the seat and stepped back, pulling the door closed behind him. He heard the lock click. 

“I’m gonna… do that, too, cool?”

“Yeah,” came the reply. 

Matt went to the urinal more for something to do than anything else but he hoped it gave Connor the time to do what he needed to do. 

Matt heard a flush as he washed his hands. 

Finally, Connor spoke. “Matt?”

“Yeah I’m here. Can you get the lock?”

The door swung open and Matt moved in to help him off the toilet and back onto his crutches. 

“Good?” 

“I should… wash.”

“I’ll hold you up.”

They moved to the sink and Matt held Connor around the middle, keeping his weight off his broken leg, and finally they made their way back to the room. 

“Well that was a production,” Connor laughed. 

It broke the spell and soon both boys were holding their stomachs with laughter. 

“I really appreciate you staying,” Connor said into the quiet when the giggles had died down. 

“Of course,” Matt said. It sounded like a promise. 

Connor shrugged. 

“I can ask some of the guys from the team to come by if you wanna go home.”

“What? Why?”

“They’re always going on about having each other’s backs. They’d set up a whole system. You don’t have to do this.”

Matt shook his head. “No way, dude. I’m here for you.”

“I just mean…”

“If you want me to leave so they can come visit that’s cool but I promised your mom, man.”

Connor cracked a smile and Matt knew he’d won for the moment. “You can’t break a promise to Mama.”

“Exactly,” he smiled back. “You need anything? You must be starving.”

Connor’s smile faded a little. “I really don’t wanna get up yet. Think I can get Tango to bring us food?”

“I can go get food,” Matt offered, already reaching for his coat.

“No way. If you insist on doing all this embarrassing caretaking the least I can do is call in some reinforcements.”

Matt laughed as Connor reached for his phone. “Alright.”

 

»»————««

 

Connor was glad he’d reached out to Tango. Sure, the guy asked a million questions, but he meant well. And he needed to keep what hockey friends he had close for whenever Matt eventually decided enough was enough and left. Probably forever. No one would stick around after the kind of care Connor needed right now. They hadn’t even tried showering yet. 

Dinner with Tango was nice though. He hadn’t ever given him shit about hanging out with the lax guys and he was amazing at filling silences which was something Connor definitely needed right now. 

He started yawning after the pizzas had been demolished and Matt shot him a concerned look. 

Thankfully Tango was perceptive to these things and stood quickly. 

“Do you need help with anything before I head out?”

Matt’s face relaxed into a smile as he answered. “I think we’re good. Just gonna get this guy to bed.”

“Okay! Let me know if you need anything, Whiskey. And nice to meet you properly, Matt.”

“You too,” Matt grinned at him and offered a fist for a bump, which Tango connected with a grin. 

“See ya!” 

As soon as the door was closed, Connor collapsed back into the pillows. Matt let out a huff of a laugh. 

“I totally understand if you wanna just sleep but we should at least get you in a fresh shirt,” he made an apologetic face. 

Connor drew in a deep breath. “I was hoping you could help me shower, actually.”

Matt blinked a couple times but then jumped into action. “Of course, you must feel gross. Okay. How to do this,” he mused, digging in his bag. 

When he straightened with a triumphant smile he held tall trash bags and duct tape. 

“Pants first, I think,” Matt continued with a blush. 

“Oh, yeah,” Connor felt his cheeks heat, too. Of course it would be easier to get the shorts off over just the cast and not risk ripping the trash bag after it was already in place, but that meant he’d be sitting in the nude while Matt taped the bag to his upper thigh. God, this was awful. 

Matt grabbed Connor’s towel from the hook by his closet and handed it to him. 

“I know what I said but I imagine you want a little modesty,” he offered with a shy smile. 

Connor just nodded and set the towel to the side. They worked together to pull his loose basketball shorts off around the cast and Connor hissed in pain as his leg was jostled. 

“Sorry,” Matt murmured as Connor pulled the towel into his naked lap. 

“It’s okay,” he lied. 

The trash bag went on next, then Matt wrapped the tape around the top of his thigh, sealing the bag securely. 

“You ready?”

Connor nodded again and Matt helped him slide off the bed where he tied the towel around his waist more properly and took the crutches Matt handed him. 

The shower itself wasn’t terrible. Matt had gotten a shower stool from student services — when had he done that? — and after he situated Connor on the stool he turned his back and let Connor wash himself. He only needed help with a few bits of washing but he really didn’t want to have to shower daily so he needed to be as clean as he could tonight. 

Matt handed him his towel and he fluffed his hair, dried his torso and what he could of the bag and his leg. Once he was back in the crutches, he wrapped his towel back around his waist and they headed back to the dorm. 

Matt seated him on the chair and handed him a clean shirt to put on while he pulled the tape off and removed the bag.

Finally, exhausted and in pain from both exertion and duct tape on his skin, Connor collapsed back into the bed. 

Matt adjusted the pillow and blankets and tucked him in securely. 

“I hate this,” Connor whispered. 

“I know,” Matt said, brushing Connor’s wet hair off his forehead. 

Connor blushed and stared up into Matt’s soft eyes. What the hell was that? 

Matt cleared his throat, pulling his arm back suddenly as though he’d only just realized what he’d done. 

“Do you need anything? Water? Meds? Your next pain dose isn’t for a couple hours but I can wake you. Do you… take anything else?”

Connor shook his head. 

“Okay,” Matt smiled at him. “I’ll wake you in a couple hours for your meds then.”

“Thanks,” he whispered. 

 

»»————««

 

Connor fell asleep fairly quickly as Matt sat down at his desk and opened up his laptop. He had work to do but he found himself clicking down a rabbit hole of tips for recovering from a broken femur and balms for bruises.

He closed out all the windows and took a deep breath. The doctors had given him everything they needed. He didn’t need to panic. 

But Connor had looked so small in that hospital bed. It had scared the shit out of him. 

He’d known he had a bit of a crush on Connor for a while now but the intensity of his feeling were suddenly  _ so much _ he couldn’t breathe. He felt his anxiety rise in his chest until it choked him and clutched at the end of the desk trying to ground himself. 

He was going to screw this up. He would slip and drop Connor or he would forget something and not be there when he needed him. It was too much. He couldn’t do this! 

He tried to force himself to breathe normally but he couldn’t remember how now. Everything was the high-pitched buzz of panic in his brain. He noticed vaguely, as though from outside of his body, that he was starting to hyperventilate. 

He heard a voice from the bed. 

“Matt?” 

Oh, fuck, he’d woken Connor. 

“I’m fine,” he gasped, staring at his blank laptop screen. 

“You don’t sound fine, please look at me?”

Matt closed his eyes and shook his head. 

“Okay, that’s alright, just breathe with me, okay?”

From the bed, Connor took long, exaggerated breaths. “That’s it,” he coaxed and Matt realized his own breathing was slowing to match Connor’s. “Keep breathing”

After several more deep breaths Matt turned in the chair.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Connor smiled, looking relieved from where he had propped himself onto an elbow. “Are you alright?”

“I think so,” Matt sighed. “I’m just so scared.”

“Scared?” 

“That I’ll hurt you.”

Connor gasped. “You won’t.”

Matt huffed a laugh. 

“And if you do it will be an accident and we will move on.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. 

“It should have been me,” Matt said finally. 

“No.”

“If you hadn’t—“

“No! I won’t hear it. If I hadn’t moved you you would have been hurt worse and I would also be hurt and then we couldn’t even take care of each other. And besides,” he took a deep breath, “those kind of thought spirals do nobody any good.”

Matt nodded, feeling his eyes water in betrayal yet again. 

“Come here?” Connor asked.

Matt stood and sat down on the edge of the mattress beside Connor, who picked up his hand from the mattress and held it tightly. 

“I for one am glad I was there and I’m glad that you’re here now. And that’s all we can really do.”

“I’m glad I’m here too,” Matt squeezed Connor’s hand. While a small part of himself was glad he hadn’t been injured as badly or worse than Connor had, he wasn’t at all glad Connor had been hurt instead. 

“Is it time for my next dose yet?” Connor asked. 

Matt checked his watch. “Yeah, I’ll get them.”

The moment thoroughly ruined, he stood and filled Connor’s water bottle and poured out two small white pills into Connor’s hand. 

He tossed them back quickly and drank half the water bottle. Matt tried not to watch his Adam’s Apple bob as he drank. 

“Thirsty?” Matt chuckled. 

“Cállate,” Connor smiled. “I’m in recovery.”

Matt grinned at him. 

“You good?” Connor asked. 

“Yeah.”

“If you wanna go back to your own place to sleep it’s cool. I’m gonna pass out pretty hard.”

“Nah, I’m gonna crash here. Just in case.” Like Matt was leaving his side ever again. 

“Okay,” Connor gave a small smile.

Matt smiled back and helped Connor settle back into the bed. 

“G’night.”

“Night,” Connor answered, eyes falling closed. 

As Matt lay on the futon under a spare blanket later that night, he reflected. 

Tomorrow was Monday. He’d have to go to class. Connor had been excused for a couple of days but he would have to leave him. 

In an effort to calm his thoughts, he focused on Connor’s steady breathing instead until he fell asleep. 

 

»»————««

 

On Monday, between Matt’s classes, Connor practiced with the crutches and getting up and down onto them. He still needed a steady hand to get him up and down and Matt made him promise not to try to get up without him there. 

Connor smiled but promised. 

God, how he wished Matt would always be with him. 

They took his first outing on the crutches to the dining hall for lunch on Tuesday. Matt had been bringing food back for him but if he was going to make it to classes on Wednesday he needed to start navigating the campus. 

They got waylaid by half the hockey team, most of the lacrosse team, and anyone who recognized Connor. He was exhausted by the time they sat down. 

“Better today than tomorrow?” Matt asked as Connor sighed.

“Yeah at least I can nap after this.”

“Exactly.” 

Matt pushed his food in front of him from the tray he had stacked high for them. 

“Eat up, you’re in recovery.”

“Fuck off,” Connor laughed. 

His first dose of over the counter pain medication was scheduled for Tuesday evening. He had thought he was ready. 

He was not. 

Getting changed for bed with Matt’s help brought him to tears and he hated it. 

He hated more though that he had snapped at Matt. 

“I’m sorry,” he stammered immediately after. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

It didn’t look like it was okay. 

“It’s not. But thanks.”

Matt nodded. 

“I’ll be better. I just have to adjust.”

Matt still didn’t meet his eye.  _ Great job, Connor. You drove him away in 3 days. _

“You’re in pain. I get it,” Matt mumbled. “I’m gonna go shower. You need anything?”

Connor shook his head.

“I’ll be back.”

Matt gathered his things. And then he was alone. 

Tears sprang to his eyes in an instant. 

He was fucking it all up. He liked Matt, but more importantly he was his friend and he was helping him when he had no obligation to. 

Unless…

Did Matt think he was paying him back for pulling him to safety? It made sense. His insistence that he basically move in to help him and all of the awkwardness he had to endure getting Connor through basic daily tasks. Sure, he was getting better getting up and down on the crutches but he needed a lot of help. Matt must feel like he owes him. 

Connor couldn’t let him do that. He resolved to release Matt from whatever obligation he felt when he got back from the shower. 

“Hi,” Matt announced himself, towel around his waist. He set down his shower caddy. 

“I’m sorry,” Connor blurted out. “I didn’t mean to snap and I totally understand if you wanna leave.”

“What? No way,” Matt sat on the edge of the bed where Connor was propped up. 

“You don’t have to be here,” Connor started again. “Like if you’re here out of some sort of guilt, like you feel like you owe me or whatever, you don’t, okay?”

“Connor, what are you talking about?”

“I get it. I pulled you out of the way and I got hurt and you’ve got survivor’s guilt or whatever but you really don’t have to. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Woah, no, that’s not what this is at all.” 

“It’s not?”

“No,” Matt took his hand. “This is ‘my best friend is hurt and needs my help,’ and nothing else.”

“Really?”

“Really what?”

“I’m your best friend? I thought you just said that to my mom for… some reason.”

Matt blushed but squeezed Connor’s hand. “Yeah, you are. And I’d be here no matter what the circumstances. I didn’t just say it.”

Connor swallowed hard and nodded. 

“You’re my best friend, too,” he whispered after a moment. 

“I’m glad. Now, let’s get you to sleep, you’ll need it to get through classes tomorrow,” Matt smiled. 

Connor acquiesced and soon he was drifting off to the sound of Matt’s laptop keys clicking softly from the futon. 

 

»»————««

 

Watching Connor push through his day, despite the obviously immense amounts of pain he must be in, made Matt want to cry. He was so strong and resilient and Matt felt like he wasn’t helping enough. 

He dropped him off at his first class on Wednesday — his own class didn’t start for another hour — and settled him into a desk. 

“Matt, it’s fine, really.”

“Okay, but text me if you need anything, okay?”

“Yeah, I know, you’ve told me ten times,” Connor laughed. “I’m fine, really. Go.”

Matt snatched Connor’s hand again — it had become a habit he should probably break but he couldn’t bring himself to just yet — and gave it a squeeze. 

“I’ll see you later,” he said, dropping Connor’s hand just as quickly as he had picked it up. 

“See ya,” Connor smiled softly at him. 

With effort, Matt left the lecture hall and made his way to his own building, hoping to get a bit of work in before his class. 

The rest of the week passed in much the same way. 

Matt carried Connor’s bags and walked him to every class he could. They ate most meals together. And at the end of the day, they both collapsed back in Connor’s room. 

Connor was clearly still adjusting but he had improved a lot and was getting to be a pro on his crutches. He still needed help getting the trash bag over his cast but he was mostly showering on his own. Matt missed helping him, missed  _ touching  _ him, but also was thankful that particular awkwardness was over. 

Because at the end of the day, the fact remained that he had fallen deeply in love with this boy. 

It was why it hurt so much to see him in pain. Why he had dropped everything to care for him day and night in the early stages of his recovery. 

He hadn’t lied, though. Connor was his best friend and he would never do anything to jeopardize that. But keeping quiet about how he felt was also killing him. 

Saturday morning he had practice so he left before Connor woke up. He’d managed to get himself in and out of bed just fine the last couple of days and he needed the sleep, so Matt didn’t wake him, just slipped out quietly with his gear bag. 

When he got back to the room, however, he found Connor mid-panic.

“Hey — oh shit, are you okay?” 

Connor’s eyes were puffy and full of tears and his breathing was ragged. Matt dropped his bag and sat beside him on the bed. 

“Breathe with me, alright? You’re okay.”

Connor’s breathing slowed gradually and the tears stopped as he clung to Matt. 

“Are you hurt?” Matt asked quietly. “Did something happen?”

Connor shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Matt placed a hand on Connor’s back and began to rub small circles. 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Matt conceded. 

“I just,” Connor started again, but the tears began to well up in his eyes again and he pressed his face into Matt’s shirt. “I woke up and you were gone.”

Oh.

“I had practice,” Matt said softly. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” Connor said again. It didn’t sound any more convincing. 

“Connor. I told you. I’m here. That’s not changing. Not for anything. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you.”

Connor pulled back from where he was pressed into his shirt and looked up at him. 

Matt held his breath. The way Connor was looking at him… 

No. He couldn’t let himself think like that. 

But then Connor was pressing back into him again, his face not angled towards Matt’s shirt anymore but towards his face. 

And then Connor kissed him. 

Matt froze. 

What was happening? 

Connor pulled back and began to babble. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry.”

“Connor,” Matt forced out. 

“Yeah?”

“What are we doing?”

“We don’t have to do anything, I wasn’t thinking, I don’t want to fuck it all up, please forget this happened.”

Matt swallowed hard and watched as Connor’s eyes flicked down to his throat. 

“What if I don’t want to forget?” 

Connor’s face fell. 

“No! Not like that! I mean, what if I want to do it again?”

“You do?” Connor asked. 

Matt gathered all his courage and nodded. “I’ve been trying to tell you all week. I’m in love with you, Connor Whisk.”

Connor’s eyes got extremely wide and Matt’s heart skipped a beat as he wondered if he had misread the situation, that Connor didn’t share his level of emotion, but then Connor was kissing him again. 

Matt let his eyes fall closed as he clutched at the fabric of Connor’s sleep shirt. 

They kissed for what felt like hours before Connor drew back and rested his forehead against Matt’s. 

“I love you, too, in case that wasn’t clear,” he breathed into the space between them. 

Matt grinned and kissed him again. 

Their routine didn’t change much after the kiss, except for the fact that there were many more kisses. 

And Matt slept wrapped around Connor in the bed instead of on the futon. 

And they held hands whenever possible. 

And when finally Connor got his cast off and moved into a bending brace, the nurse smiled at them and told them they made a cute couple. 

And when finally  — finally! — Connor got back on the ice, Matt was there to cheer him on. He sat in the stands and grinned as Connor’s teammates chirped him good-naturedly, a Whisk jersey on his back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Mijo: son  
> “Te amo, mijo”: “I love you, son”  
> “Yo tambien, Mama”: “Me too, Mama”  
> Cállate: shut up  
> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if you liked it? I love seeing how people like my fic. And of course, come cry with me on tumblr about these dumb boys. also i did some [art](https://willdexpoindexter.tumblr.com/post/183389789106/que-seamos-solo-t%C3%BA-y-yo)? be nice pls


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